I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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