It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
