Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
