This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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