It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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