i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's never too late to be topless.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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