That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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