Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
