You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
