dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
