Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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