margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
