also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
