this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
