We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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