They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
