apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
