batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
