Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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