They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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