I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
