Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
