if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize