well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i out mim tonsoeep
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