Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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