Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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