My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
