porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
