We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
