Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
