I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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