omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
