My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
