i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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