Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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