good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
