one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
