There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
