I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
