He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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