god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize