Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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