come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
