So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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