walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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