Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
