he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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