I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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