I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
