How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
