she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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