Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
