there's paper in my vomit.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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