well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize