it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
