i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just sucked dick on a ferry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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