Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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