ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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