i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
