Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
