The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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