So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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