you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
