tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize