if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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