Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
