My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
