guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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