1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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