I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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